(Des)illusions… and other cliches
12 08 2007
Damn. After months not writing, I just spent a bit more than one hour on a post draft that just can’t take an acceptable shape. To spare the dead-crazy person(s?) bored enough to dare reading my blog, I just rewrote it from scratch. I’ll do my best to be clear. I’ll fail inevitably, but I love lost causes. And it’s my blog, so stop interrupting me, already!
Yeah, it’s going to be yet another post about general, far-reaching, but mostly lame cliches about happiness, feelings and human relationships. Bar-room philosophy lovers, you will get served! To be as brief as possible, I made a list of some of my discoveries regarding our oh-so fascinating species.
First, I intended to use this as a note to self, in order to realize, in ten years, how lame and naive I was in 2007. You know, a bit like this triple-cheesy kindergarten poem your mom kept all these years, just to show it to your first serious girlfriend when you were 17. As I am always willing to share a good laugh, I’m making it public.
Disclaimer:
All characters and situations described thereafter are entirely fictional. Any resemblance with existing situations is an unfortunate coincidence.
- Ignorance is bliss. Only dumb, naive or innocent/pure people (rare) can be fully and truly happy.
- If you are innocent or naive in friendships and love, good for you. Do not open your eyes. Never. Some pandora boxes are better left closed.
- If it is too late for you, stop trying understanding people. Shrinks are the only people officially allowed to do this. And they do it for money. Their conclusions usually point to twisted childhood-, mom-, sex-, teddy bear-related issues (hopefully not everything at the same time). You do not want to get into that. It’s disturbing and dirty (and you might be afraid of teddy bears, as I am).
- Corollary 1: people (including yourself) are crazy and/or stupid. More politically correct, they are not rational. Thus, there is not necessarily a reason for someone’s behavior.
- Corollary 2: even if there is a reason, it might be deeply twisted and hidden. Realize that sometimes, you can barely understand yourself, and you cannot get into someone else’s head. Chances are that the other person is unaware of the reason, cannot formalize it or just doesn’t want to. Again, truth hurts. Things that hurt are bad. Avoid bad, avoid truth. Lie, to yourself if necessary.
- Corollary 3: even if there is a reason and that you and the other person are aware of it (extremely unlikely), you most probably cannot do anything to change the situation. Feelings, attraction, emotions can barely be influenced, but they cannot be changed by rationalizing them. Most people just can’t control their feelings. It cannot be rationalized (repeat after me).
- Corollary 4 (last and most important one): if there is no solution, there is no problem (thanks Julien for this one). If you cannot do anything about a situation, stop ruminating. Get over it, move on. Go shoot some baby penguins instead.
- Sad and/or over-complicated persons are unattractive. People like happy, easy-going people. Again, people like simplicity. People hate headaches, either they are booze-induced or, even worse, caused by a desperate attempt at understanding anything more complex than a Fox 5 show. If you have something heavy on your mind, do not share it with anybody but your closest friends, if you’re lucky enough to have some (even then, be careful, see next point). You’d only attract freaks like you. That’s one vicious circle you will not like. Just lie, fake your smile until it’s real again. This “retention of information” principle is probably one of the most powerful social skill to master in order to maintain healthy and joyful relationships.
- Closely related to the previous point, everyone has an intimacy threshold you should never cross. No, people, even your so-called friends, do not want to know everything about you. Cross the threshold and it will get really uncomfortable for them. You’ll repulse them. Only hope is that the longer the relationship, the higher the threshold. So you can still share a little, just be careful about the limit. But ultimately, total, perfect complicity is just an illusion. You’re on your own, as you are the only who can understand yourself completely. And it’s better that way, for everybody’s mental health.
- Good things (meeting the love of your life, free beer, Ben Franklins falling from the sky…) just do not happen every day. Do not wait for them. It can only depress you.
- The only person you can truly rely on and influence is yourself. For good things to be able to happen to you, you must be in good disposition. Unsolicited luck is extremely rare (and quite honestly, frankly disgusting when not deserved). However, if you work out a “good” attitude, you might eventually attract some good “Carson Daly” karma. (if you do not get that one, I suggest you watch “My Name is Earl”).
- Good karma does not come easily. Hence, sudden, brutal, drastic changes are generally not the solution. Like running away from a situation (how is that for a cliche?). In terms of personal changes, anything that is not a long, painful, self-aware process is doomed to fail. You have to deserve it, after all.
- Even if you feel you deserve it, it might not happen. Most of the time it won’t, actually. And you might get really close, but not get it. And you might get really frustrated and spoil all the good karma you painfully built up for months. Start again. From scratch.
- Bad things might come anytime, deserved or not.
- In order to avoid suicide and maintain some balance, trick yourself into appreciating small, seemingly insignificant things. Like a smile, a sunny afternoon, a whistling bird… (unless it’s a post-party Sunday morning where you just think of killing that bloody thing).
- Glitches, exceptions, still happen. Always be ready to appreciate “magical moments” plainly. You might not get another one before a long time. It means being spontaneous, mostly. Dare things, try over and over again. Just be ready to lose some teeth and dignity in the process. It’s part of the game.
- People primarily care about themselves. Then, “good” people also care about others. So should you. This one is so obvious I won’t even dare developing. If you think being truly altruist, i.e., putting your well-being after others’, is the way to go, you’re playing against Darwin. You just can’t win.
- People keep reiterating the same social/behavioral patterns over and over again. We all play roles, we just think we are “totally honest” when we found the one we’re naturally good at playing. Once you start noticing them, patterns can get really frustrating, especially when they do not benefit you. A super obvious example? Good looking girls, however smart they are, go invariably for good looking guys. Why? Because they can. They have the choice. If you read that, you probably don’t. Remember, it’s not a problem, since there is no solution. Again, blame Darwin. On a side note, I am not naive enough to think that any breathtakingly good-looking girl could read my blog. In fact, I do not even wish that, as it might just freak her out (remember the “be simple” point?).
- As implied already, anything resembling true honesty is rare. They are thousands of reasons for that (hypocrisy, egoism, self-protection…). It’s not that everybody is an evil bastard (such people exist, though, and they are my favorites). By default, just assume people are full of it. Doubt their intentions. If and only if they pass your (hopefully strict) check-list, relax and enjoy: you’re lucky enough to have met a “good” person.
- Last but not least: people want what they don’t have, most particularly what they can’t have. This might be the oldest cliche ever, but it involves fascinating mechanisms. Mostly, self-persuasion. It works for girls, Wiis, jobs… you name it. It is amazing to see how deeply one can trick himself into thinking he really wants something. To the extent of reversing one’s feelings in record time. In four really simple steps. First, you don’t really want it. Second, you realize you may be able to have it. Third, it escapes you somehow. Fourth, you want it more badly than anything else on Earth. If you’re smart enough to remember you did not want it in the first place, you’re almost a god-like being already. This kind of self-induced illusions is what turns us into miserable, pathetic drama queens from time to time. But I already wrote about that: the problem is knowing what one really wants. Finally, and it’s the biggest secret of all times: it’s all in our bloody heads! Feelings may be triggered by external events, but ultimately, we nourish them, hide them or exaggerate them on our own. If only robots can claim total control over their emotions, we, as humble primates, can at least realize that we are almost always able to cope with overwhelming situations, as long as we can find that reasonable, sensible guy that hides deep in our twisted freaky minds.
Wow. Proof-reading that list made me realize how pessimistic and cynical all this can seem. It is, in a sense. If you’re pure and innocent and presently shouting “you’re so wrong!”, I kind of envy you. Otherwise, realize it’s all just a game, which can be pretty violent and ugly at times. But it can also be enlightening. Either way, the more you’re ready, the more you understand the general rules, the better. These were the advices of granpa David. Which, by the way, I absolutely do not apply to my own life. So feel free to do exactly the same. Oh, I almost forgot:
Do not abuse any kind of substance.
This post is a good example of what the consequences could be. Now, go get a life.
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