hogur.org

Damn. After months not writing, I just spent a bit more than one hour on a post draft that just can’t take an acceptable shape. To spare the dead-crazy person(s?) bored enough to dare reading my blog, I just rewrote it from scratch. I’ll do my best to be clear. I’ll fail inevitably, but I love lost causes. And it’s my blog, so stop interrupting me, already!

Yeah, it’s going to be yet another post about general, far-reaching, but mostly lame cliches about happiness, feelings and human relationships. Bar-room philosophy lovers, you will get served! To be as brief as possible, I made a list of some of my discoveries regarding our oh-so fascinating species.

First, I intended to use this as a note to self, in order to realize, in ten years, how lame and naive I was in 2007. You know, a bit like this triple-cheesy kindergarten poem your mom kept all these years, just to show it to your first serious girlfriend when you were 17. As I am always willing to share a good laugh, I’m making it public.

Disclaimer:
All characters and situations described thereafter are entirely fictional. Any resemblance with existing situations is an unfortunate coincidence.

• Ignorance is bliss. Only dumb, naive or innocent/pure people (rare) can be fully and truly happy.
• If you are innocent or naive in friendships and love, good for you. Do not open your eyes. Never. Some pandora boxes are better left closed.
• If it is too late for you, stop trying understanding people. Shrinks are the only people officially allowed to do this. And they do it for money. Their conclusions usually point to twisted childhood-, mom-, sex-, teddy bear-related issues (hopefully not everything at the same time). You do not want to get into that. It’s disturbing and dirty (and you might be afraid of teddy bears, as I am).
  • Corollary 1: people (including yourself) are crazy and/or stupid. More politically correct, they are not rational. Thus, there is not necessarily a reason for someone’s behavior.
  • Corollary 2: even if there is a reason, it might be deeply twisted and hidden. Realize that sometimes, you can barely understand yourself, and you cannot get into someone else’s head. Chances are that the other person is unaware of the reason, cannot formalize it or just doesn’t want to. Again, truth hurts. Things that hurt are bad. Avoid bad, avoid truth. Lie, to yourself if necessary.
  • Corollary 3: even if there is a reason and that you and the other person are aware of it (extremely unlikely), you most probably cannot do anything to change the situation. Feelings, attraction, emotions can barely be influenced, but they cannot be changed by rationalizing them. Most people just can’t control their feelings. It cannot be rationalized (repeat after me).
  • Corollary 4 (last and most important one): if there is no solution, there is no problem (thanks Julien for this one). If you cannot do anything about a situation, stop ruminating. Get over it, move on. Go shoot some baby penguins instead.
• Sad and/or over-complicated persons are unattractive. People like happy, easy-going people. Again, people like simplicity. People hate headaches, either they are booze-induced or, even worse, caused by a desperate attempt at understanding anything more complex than a Fox 5 show. If you have something heavy on your mind, do not share it with anybody but your closest friends, if you’re lucky enough to have some (even then, be careful, see next point). You’d only attract freaks like you. That’s one vicious circle you will not like. Just lie, fake your smile until it’s real again. This “retention of information” principle is probably one of the most powerful social skill to master in order to maintain healthy and joyful relationships.
• Closely related to the previous point, everyone has an intimacy threshold you should never cross. No, people, even your so-called friends, do not want to know everything about you. Cross the threshold and it will get really uncomfortable for them. You’ll repulse them. Only hope is that the longer the relationship, the higher the threshold. So you can still share a little, just be careful about the limit. But ultimately, total, perfect complicity is just an illusion. You’re on your own, as you are the only who can understand yourself completely. And it’s better that way, for everybody’s mental health.
• Good things (meeting the love of your life, free beer, Ben Franklins falling from the sky…) just do not happen every day. Do not wait for them. It can only depress you.
  • The only person you can truly rely on and influence is yourself. For good things to be able to happen to you, you must be in good disposition. Unsolicited luck is extremely rare (and quite honestly, frankly disgusting when not deserved). However, if you work out a “good” attitude, you might eventually attract some good “Carson Daly” karma. (if you do not get that one, I suggest you watch “My Name is Earl”).
  • Good karma does not come easily. Hence, sudden, brutal, drastic changes are generally not the solution. Like running away from a situation (how is that for a cliche?). In terms of personal changes, anything that is not a long, painful, self-aware process is doomed to fail. You have to deserve it, after all.
  • Even if you feel you deserve it, it might not happen. Most of the time it won’t, actually. And you might get really close, but not get it. And you might get really frustrated and spoil all the good karma you painfully built up for months. Start again. From scratch.
  • Bad things might come anytime, deserved or not.
  • In order to avoid suicide and maintain some balance, trick yourself into appreciating small, seemingly insignificant things. Like a smile, a sunny afternoon, a whistling bird… (unless it’s a post-party Sunday morning where you just think of killing that bloody thing).
  • Glitches, exceptions, still happen. Always be ready to appreciate “magical moments” plainly. You might not get another one before a long time. It means being spontaneous, mostly. Dare things, try over and over again. Just be ready to lose some teeth and dignity in the process. It’s part of the game.
• People primarily care about themselves. Then, “good” people also care about others. So should you. This one is so obvious I won’t even dare developing. If you think being truly altruist, i.e., putting your well-being after others’, is the way to go, you’re playing against Darwin. You just can’t win.
• People keep reiterating the same social/behavioral patterns over and over again. We all play roles, we just think we are “totally honest” when we found the one we’re naturally good at playing. Once you start noticing them, patterns can get really frustrating, especially when they do not benefit you. A super obvious example? Good looking girls, however smart they are, go invariably for good looking guys. Why? Because they can. They have the choice. If you read that, you probably don’t. Remember, it’s not a problem, since there is no solution. Again, blame Darwin. On a side note, I am not naive enough to think that any breathtakingly good-looking girl could read my blog. In fact, I do not even wish that, as it might just freak her out (remember the “be simple” point?).
• As implied already, anything resembling true honesty is rare. They are thousands of reasons for that (hypocrisy, egoism, self-protection…). It’s not that everybody is an evil bastard (such people exist, though, and they are my favorites). By default, just assume people are full of it. Doubt their intentions. If and only if they pass your (hopefully strict) check-list, relax and enjoy: you’re lucky enough to have met a “good” person.
• Last but not least: people want what they don’t have, most particularly what they can’t have. This might be the oldest cliche ever, but it involves fascinating mechanisms. Mostly, self-persuasion. It works for girls, Wiis, jobs… you name it. It is amazing to see how deeply one can trick himself into thinking he really wants something. To the extent of reversing one’s feelings in record time. In four really simple steps. First, you don’t really want it. Second, you realize you may be able to have it. Third, it escapes you somehow. Fourth, you want it more badly than anything else on Earth. If you’re smart enough to remember you did not want it in the first place, you’re almost a god-like being already. This kind of self-induced illusions is what turns us into miserable, pathetic drama queens from time to time. But I already wrote about that: the problem is knowing what one really wants. Finally, and it’s the biggest secret of all times: it’s all in our bloody heads! Feelings may be triggered by external events, but ultimately, we nourish them, hide them or exaggerate them on our own. If only robots can claim total control over their emotions, we, as humble primates, can at least realize that we are almost always able to cope with overwhelming situations, as long as we can find that reasonable, sensible guy that hides deep in our twisted freaky minds.

Wow. Proof-reading that list made me realize how pessimistic and cynical all this can seem. It is, in a sense. If you’re pure and innocent and presently shouting “you’re so wrong!”, I kind of envy you. Otherwise, realize it’s all just a game, which can be pretty violent and ugly at times. But it can also be enlightening. Either way, the more you’re ready, the more you understand the general rules, the better. These were the advices of granpa David. Which, by the way, I absolutely do not apply to my own life. So feel free to do exactly the same. Oh, I almost forgot:

Do not abuse any kind of substance.

This post is a good example of what the consequences could be. Now, go get a life.

Let’s start with a pseudo-philosophical, “after a 12-pack” statement.

We’re not looking for answers, we’re looking for questions.

From the very beginning, we’re surrounded, overwhelmed by questions.

• What if I stick my tongue in the power plug?
• Is that knife that sharp?
• What happens if I mix fireworks and mailboxes?
• Can my little brother fit in the oven?

Most answers, besides being painful, end up being disappointing, but we keep looking for new experiments anyways. For new questions. One problem arises, though. With our growing experience, most of these once fascinating questions become pointless, challenges to Darwin’s theories at best. Even though I did not experience it myself, I know I should not jump from a 10-story building with a single mattress to catch my fall. Even then, I can’t help it but questioning. I am not crazy or drunk enough to think I could fly, but what if the mattress is a Tempur-Pedic? What if there are two of those?

More clearly (I already lost most of you, didn’t I?) my point is: whatever our age, experience and personality, we remain children questioning our environment and its rules, dreaming of alternatives. We’re invariably attracted by the unknown, by the excitement of novelty. I already wrote too much about the oppression of laws and rules, so I’ll spare you that digression (I can see some of you sighing in relief). Don’t worry, I have lots of other examples.

An obvious one: love stories. My $0.02 theory is that most men and women are more interested in the seduction phase than in its consequences. Getting somebody who doesn’t know you to like you and eventually lose control. At the risk of losing control yourself. The thrill of involving yourself way beyond reason. Pushing your own limits, doing, saying and feeling things you did not think you were capable of. Often for nothing, or, more likely, for the loss of your dignity and a couple of hundreds. But the game is still worth it. Remember the adrenaline rush when you get closer to that first kiss? There is barely anything more exciting than that very moment. The girl (or the boy) barely matters, it’s mostly about you. You took risks. You succeeded. You feel alive. To me, the overwhelming power of such situations is one of the main explanations for cheating. Most people could and should be perfectly happy with their current relationship. “It’s nice and all, but it became boring after a while”. I’m pretty sure a lot of people do not cheat to get something better, but to get something different. To start the game all over again. Ok, maybe I’m going a bit too far and I certainly would not want to justify anything ;).

More interestingly, such mechanisms seem to apply to all our life events and decisions. I don’t know if it’s specific to our generation, but I can only think of one word to describe people currently in their 20-30s. Bored. I won’t theorize on the causes (too much information? Internet, TV? Too easy to travel? Airplanes, segways?). Fact is: people seem to get bored more and more easily. Relationships, work, you name it.

Run, Forrest! Run!

In that sense, leaving for a foreign country has it all; leaving everything behind, your job, family, friends and girl/boyfriend(s), habits and culture. Starting everything from scratch. You can find thousands of blogs talking about the excitement of traveling, sleeping on an air mattress for months, not knowing what you just ordered at the restaurant or why this strange old lady is yelling and throwing rocks at you. Of course, young people are more tempted by the adventure as they have virtually little to lose. More and more of them are running away. Running from their problems, from the difficulty of finding a job in their native country or from a too possessive mom? It may only be part of the explanation. In fact, it seems that more and more of us are just running from our own boredom.

My current situation is too perfect. Let’s blow it up.

We know there is something different out there, the problem is we can’t know whether it’s better or not. As we are given the means of dreaming, we are increasingly prone to taking the risk. After all, it’s just a game. It’s easy and exciting to think: “even if an experience end up badly, it may still be completely worth it, making one a better or at least more interesting person”. To me, this statement is only partially true. Right now, I am all for new challenges. But for risk/adrenaline-addicts, this quest for novelty could be endless and self-destructive.

I could digress on this subject for hours. Most of us are unsatisfied spoiled kids. We feel “incomplete”, “permanently depressed”, so we try to escape. Guess what? Breaking news: we could run for ever, as we are running from ourselves. In a future post, I guess I’ll develop how such phenomenons led to a recent, wild outbreak of drama queens.

So, when should we stop running? When we find our true selves? As unlikely as having a dozen monkeys in pink skirts stealing my beers as I write this. My wild guess is that everybody eventually reaches some equilibrium, with varying degrees of satisfaction. A wife, a child and one surrenders without fighting. It can be more subtle, like a job offer you can’t refuse or the force of habits after spending too much time at the same place (”I have a Wii and a cell plan here, Dude!”). We almost all give up eventually. Those who don’t form a rare species often described as “old fools, bloody artists and baby-eating liberals”. Some actually find some balance in reckless lifestyles while others remain eternally troubled minds. You can envy the former as they seem to have found the Key of perpetual self-entertainment, but remember: Liberals all burn in Hell anyway.

Back to our business. Why and when do we “give up”? It all comes down to one’s personality. Here comes the geek moment (oh yeah, you were waiting for it, weren’t you?). In decision/game theory, one can discriminate “players” between risk takers and risk haters. One can draw decision curves describing how a “player” will react, given a projected outcome and the related risk. We all have different curves to value risks. Some of us are genetically programmed as cowards while others are irrational gamblers with balls bigger than coconuts. To spice this up, our curves are noisy and time- and context-sensitive. Then, we face a bloody difficult optimization problem. In theory, one should stop when he is as close as possible to his true self. In practice, it’s easy to be fooled by local maxima (”I can’t leave now, I have a good pay, a good car, a good dog and a good blender”). Worse, one can’t backtrack. Translation for the few non-geeks out there: one can’t erase the past or undo key choices.

A few optimistic notes to conclude.

1. In the “Information Age”, one doesn’t have to experience everything by himself. Just look up “Mentos Diet Coke” on Google to know what happens next. More seriously, information diffusion makes it easier to rule out unreasonable and stupid risks to better concentrate on interesting ones.
2. Being unsatisfied and bored is not only a self-destructive curse. It also leads to pushing one’s own limits to higher levels. More crudely speaking, it can grow balls on cowards. I’m only referring to more “first kisses”, but more “Wow! It was the best decision of my life” moments. One risks more, one wins more.

This leads us to yet another great drunk statement:

The issue is choice. — The Oracle, The Matrix Reloaded.

Developing that idea would require another ten volumes post and I’m getting lazy. Anyway, she (the Oracle) also said lots of other nonsensical things such as “do you want some candy ?”. Completely irrelevant to our story.

We may be a lost, hopeless species. “Au contraire”, my bet is we never stopped dreaming, we just got increasingly demanding. We gave birth to a generation of mad scientists who’ll never stop experimenting. If we are that unsatisfied, I just wish we (including me as a characteristic example) spent less time whining and more time acting. But do not misunderstand me. I do not advocate this crazy race for novelty per se. In fact, I believe that true courage comes when instead of running away, one willfully stops and states: “this is what I want, this is who I am”. Such a move represents the greatest risk. Ever. Until then, the road can be long and full of traps, but hopefully, enlightened by good surprises.

PS: Good luck for your new experiments, Matt!

Tonight was another Princeton Poker tournament, improvised at “the Apart”. To kill any suspense, yeah, I lost. Again. Not that I did not start well, with my 3 full-house on 8 hands….

Lets start with a boring statement: the poker fever is a worldwide phenomenon (from my statistically accurate sample of 2 countries and 2 cities, Princeton and Paris). To such an extent that it may now be cooler not knowing how to and not willing to play. So, what makes poker that attractive? Here are a few clues, for those who are still reluctant of making the jump (a hint: maybe you should not).

1. Poker is gambling. For it to be really interesting, you have to play for money. There is always something taboo about mixing money and luck that makes gambling attractive. The thrill, the excitement of risking “everything” on a few cards, I guess.
   
   
2. Poker is THE game of bad boys. Who doesn’t think of cowboy or gangster movies when one says “poker”? There is an entire mythology around this game: hats, sunglasses, drinks (beer, whiskey, cool-aid), easy-going girls (ok, this one is not that realistic), smoke-filled rooms… Add money to the mix and you have the perfect fantasy for gangster-wannabes. Should I add, private poker parties involving money are in fact illegal in most countries (as any other private gambling activity, but shhhh don’t spoil it).
   
   
3. Poker (at least Hold’em) is a very subtle game. It is about luck, of course, but not only. Most of the time, in fact, it has nothing to do with luck. To stop loosing at poker (note I did not say of winning) you first have to get some notions of probabilities. Then, you also have to apprehend the psychological side of the game: bluffing, “reading” your opponents, getting the most out of your good hands, acting against your bad luck. Possibilities are endless. A beginner quickly acquires some experience and truly gets better, as he begins comprehending some of the parameters involved. But these parameters are so numerous that you never stop learning.
   
   
4. Life Poker is a bitch. Even when you have a good sense of probabilities, even when you are playing with the same friends for the 20th time and you know exactly how they play, accidents happen. A lot. Actually, luck can follow really strange, improbable patterns. “Bad bits” (getting the exact ONE card that makes you loose) are some of the most frustrating and painful things one can experience (just slightly less painful than needles under your nails). Then, irrational beliefs arise. Tempered players will label this as “experience” or “intuition”. Others will experience exaggerated excitement, or unfounded fears of some situations. “I’ll never play this bloody queen again!”
   
   
5. Poker is social. For a real Hold’em game, you need at least 6 players. For me, private games are most interesting. While playing at a casino might be interesting for the real money or the once-in-a-lifetime experience, you’ll never get the not that friendly atmosphere you can get from a poker night with some friends and some 6-packs. At least, you should not have to worry about being punched in the nuts if you begin trash-talking your friend. Unless that friend is me, of course.

Overall, this game can be mildly dangerous. It takes you for a fascinating emotional ride and puts you under ridiculously high pressure (do you realize you are sweating and trembling for a $5 game?). For bitter losers (I am personally one of the worst kind), it is particularly revealing. But you can learn a lot about your friends and human nature in general. Most importantly, about yourself. And one day, you’ll be able to accept bad luck with a smile that is not ironic. Well, for me, not tonight, but I’m improving ;).

It’s surprising to see how many people don’t have a clue about the movie they just bought tickets for. And in this case, for Del Toro’s Pan’s Labyrinth, the experience may have been even more striking if I did not hear rumors or read reviews here and there beforehand. An acceptable counterpart to being able to avoid (most of) the crap that fills the screens all year long, I guess. Read the rest of this entry »

“A picture is worth 1000 words”: the motto of one of the best Photoshop contest website, out here, worth1000.com. For dark, stupid but tasteful humor, I also recommend the Photoshop Phridays of somethingawful.com, a website not generally safe for work and most probably blocked at your favorite(?) office.

Sick of gradients, pastel colors and other shiny “2.0″ effects? Well, future could get wayyyy worse…

From digg then flickr

Title says it all. Mes premieres fetes de fin d’annee a l’etranger. C’est fait, une chose de moins sur ma liste :). Et puisque l’ambiance semble a l’emotionnel exacerbe en ce moment, je dois bien l’avouer: I miss you guys!

Tout a commence par une errance virtuelle, ce soir d’insomnie de “fete-lag” (decalage horaire du aux fetes de fin d’annees). Parcours habituel, debute par digg a la recherche d’un quelconque contenu intellectuel inutile.

Resultat: “ah, tiens un article de wired sur les videos internet de l’annee” (avec des liens sur youtube). Et malgre le temps aberrant que je consacre a ma vie “cablee”, en effet, il y avait certains trucs que j’avais loupe, contrairement a 4 millions d’internautes apparemment, comme cette video de Noah Kalina, qui se prend en photo tous les jours depuis plus de 6 ans… Et aussi inutile que cela puisse paraitre (ca remplit bien les criteres de ma recherche initiale), le resultat est assez bluffant. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve always been a fan of Justin Timberlake…

I just discovered WordPress and indeed, it takes about 5 minutes to get a working blog… Nice, I like! Content will follow, hopefully…